Few phrases have the power to instil quiver-inducing, pee-your-pants style fear in me. Like, we’ve ran out of ketchup. We need to talk. Sorry we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30 (McDonalds, obviously.) Your ASOS Premier account has expired. And, perhaps more surprising than the rest, denim shorts. If there’s one piece of clothing that epitomises summer year on year (bar a floral dress, of course) it’s a pair of denim shorts. They look great on super models, It girls, ladies from Texas to Thailand. It’s a globally appealing piece that never seem to date, simply returning season after season with either a slightly different form of distressing or slightly altered hue of denim. And they fucking terrify me.
Seeing a pair of said shorts brings back awful memories of Topshop’s notorious denim cut-off hotpants somehow made it socially acceptable to walk around the street with your arse actually out. I tried on a pair with a black leotard to go to some ~ edgy ~ house party in Cardiff once (I use that term lightly, it was Cardiff after all,) and the resulting image looked more like a poor attempt at a Pussycat Dolls tribute act member. See, some girls simply looked incredible in them – all of my housemates in uni who ever donned them can neatly put themselves in this category – but for me, it was the sartorial equivalent of oversharing a sexual experience to your parents or something.
Now I don’t hate my legs. Since getting into training, leg day has become my favourite, and I love how I can actually see muscle in my body and I can squat something weightier than an overfilled handbag. But I’m fully aware that my legs will always be a larger part of my body. Plus, they’re the last to lose weight, and the first to get bigger when I overindulge. Yes, I can literally feel the fat and bread and cheese and extra dip I smothered on that pizza melt into my legs as soon as a delicious bite hits my tongue, so I’m always keen to find shorts that don’t completely cling to the curves of my body.
Loose, free-flowing shorts are your best option. Or try out styles from the Tall section that’ll fall a little lower on your legs. Paperbag or elasticated waists with a tie belt allow for optimum cinching, creating a perfect hourglass silhouette. Why? Because shorts cut with a fluid, louche shape don’t cling and make you feels like your wearing nothing at all in a Ned Flanders kind of way. And if you want to wear shorts that hug your body? Then work it girl. Here’s some of the best on the web.
Photography by Rebecca Spencer