It’s the day after the Met Gala and my newsfeed is still reeling with photographs of Rihanna’s giant omelette dress, SJP’s headdress and red red red everything. Oh, and did I forget to mention Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and J-Lo’s arses united through barely-there gowns covering barely anything at all. With Beyonce sheathed in just a mere scattering of strategically places diamantes (that took around 5 hours to place ever to cover her erm- modesty) it truly has me wondering when it actually became acceptable to walk around looking like a giant vajazzle. It may be Givenchy or Cavalli, but it also looks like it wouldn’t be out of place at Essex Fashion Week.
Kim Kardashian followed suit in a similar gown where the only part of her body that was actually covered was her shoulders. But then again when you’re famous for a sex tape and stripping down and oiling up for that Paper magazine shoot, baring your shoulders is pretty unlikely to #breaktheinternet. Another thing that caught my eye with these barely there designs (and there was a lot to catch my eye… ): doesn’t Kim’s dress look slightly familiar? The Roberto Cavalli creation (the first since Peter Dundas took over the helm of the Cavalli ship) looks strikingly like one worn by Beyonce back at the Met Gala in 2012, by Givenchy.
Of course, where would bum baring be without the Queen B of booties: J-Lo. Only slightly risque in comparison to Kim and Beyonce’s efforts, but only because it actually covered her breasts.
Rihanna’s sheer CDFA awards dress shocked back in 2014, but almost a year on and the bare-all nakedness is borderline systematic now. You only need to look as far as your smartphone to be bombarded by herculean sized bits stuck on teeny tiny toned bodies and realise how entwined into popular culture this curvy-skinny-curvy body obsession has become. The fetishisation on supersized body parts has become both bizarre and boring. There’s so much flesh baring these days that it’s nothing new and shocking. We’ve seen it all so many times that unless a celebrity sprouts a third boob, I’m simply not interested. Whilst I believe it’s every woman’s right to bare as little or as much flesh as she wants, I’m simply bored of it and wish that they would make different choices. Boobs, bums and bad dresses should not be breaking the internet. Things like the earthquake crisis in Nepal should be.
So where do we go from here in terms of the shock factor? How will these stars make headlines next year if we’ve reached peak-nakedness? Will nipple tassels and edible thongs be the look du jour next time round?
I can categorically state that these women have put me off diamantes for life. Can we maybe leave a little more to the imagination anymore? Until next year Met Gala…