One thing that I’ve always been aware of is that in the case of a zombie invasion, my chances of survival are pretty low. I’m not a very fast runner, I’m not very strong, and without contact lenses or glasses, I have very bad eyesight. It would be just too easy to mistake a blood thirsty zombie for my mother, leading to a very confusing, painful, and most likely life threatening embrace.
I needn’t worry about any impending zombie invasions anymore, however, as I have prepared and bought some trendy new glasses to keep me seeing everything clearly. But with the popularity of wearing glasses as a fashion accessory or a sight-seeing tool at an all time high, it’s forced me to evaluate the pros and cons of being bespectacled (zombies aside.)
Ever wanted to look like somebody else? Well glasses can (sort of) help you do that. In the same way that sunglasses do, they hide part of your face, so can instantly take you or somebody else up a few notches on the hotness barometer.
Earlier this year I dated a guy who one day came to meet me in a pair of new glasses. By some kind of divine miracle of plastic tortoiseshell thick frames, he all of a sudden looked just like the one and only David Beckham. I sat there praying he would never take them off, but because they were just fashion glasses, the reality of him removing them at some point in the evening was pretty high. Perhaps I could accidentally fling my dinner knife into his eye rendering him slightly blind and in need of wearing real glasses forever and ever?
Later that night when he took off his glasses, it’s safe to say I took off home… The specs appeal was gone, and so was David Beckham.
Have you ever been somewhere with somebody so annoying that the mere sight of them makes you want to rip your eyes out? Well with glasses, you can basically do just that. Simply take off your glasses and all that’s left is a skin coloured blur. It’s like magic.
You’re so much hotter
Not only do you now have the quirky sex appeal of an American high-school movie geek stereotype, but when you take off the glasses you can’t see the bloated evidence of the Five Guys burger and two portions of chips you just demolished.
Scenario 1: It’s winter and you’re on the way to a bar. You have already pre-imagined your entrance to a bar wearing your cool new glasses. But then you walk into the bar, and your glasses steam up almost instantly. Blinded, once again. James Bond-style entrance ruined.
Scenario 2: You’re kissing a very sexy man, but you cannot see him because of all the steam that has appeared from having someone breathe all over you. There’s nothing good about this situation.
Getting in the Way
The hot nerd can be a bit of a fantasy for some people. But I’m telling you, nothing is less sexy than having someone’s greasy blackhead covered nose all up in your frames. Think of the smears!
Losing Your Glasses
What happens when you lose your glasses? Nothing. You can’t find them because you can’t see them. Game over.
Putting on Makeup
If you’re as blind as I am (-4.5 to be precise) then you’ll know that putting on your makeup without contact lenses in is a whole different ball game. Unless your nose is about 1 inch away from the mirror then chances are you will overdo your eyebrows, and apply too much bronzer. Clowns wear glasses too you know…
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